I’ve been feelin like I’ve been at my all time low the last few days & everyday I wake up, it feels like i’m getting to a lower and lower point.  Can I hit rock bottom already?  I’m fucking up in school, my relationship is shitty right now, and every time I’m at work I feel depressed.  I don’t know why, but it’s been so hard for me to grasp college life.  It’s so hard for me to adjust to all of it.  I sort of miss the contentment in high school.  My relationship is at a standstill.  I want to tell him so much, but I fail to utter the words I constantly play in my head.  All we do is fight, break up, make up, and do it all over again.  This roller coaster is making me sick.  I just want to get off, but it’s weird I stay on.  I love the love that we have, and I’m so scared to lose it, but if this keeps up, I’m not sure how to stand myself.  I feel like I can’t be happy without having to purposely put a smile on.  Every now and then, I catch myself thinking about what might possibly happen if I’m always this sad and this always how it’s going to be, and I just end up tearing up.  I’ve never teared up so many times in one day than I did today.  I just want to feel alive again.  I know I can again because it happened before.  My happiness should have never been in your hands.  I guess I need to do some re-evaluating and prioritizing.  Anyways, work has been so dead and boring.  I literally go in, bust out everything, and still end up with my thoughts by 7pm.  My co-workers are there, but sometimes I still feel alone in there.  Customers barely come in to keep me busy enough to not think about anything other than what goes in what wrap or which meat should go on a sandwich.  I just want summer back — when the love was strong, and the smiles were real, with the hours I got at work, and the school I didn’t attend.  I felt like I was on cloud 9 for a while before this, but I guess I had to come down sometime.  How many lows do I have to go through until the highs come?